Sincerely, Sirius
by Delle Tuh
Summary: Tonks has trouble with the loss of her lover. A dream and a spare bit of parchment change it all.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Harry Potter._

**Author's Note: **This is based loosely on Tonks' feelings toward Sirius, the first part is of course, a dream of hers, and concludes with her awakening. And yes, it is after Sirius has already passed away in the Ministry.

**Sincerely, Sirius**

The room was quiet, vacant and almost cold as she stepped into it, her feet light on the wooden floor. The window across from her seemed to illuminate the walls around her with golden undertones, highlighted with the natural rouge and lilac spread across the sky, watercolors diluted into a golden glow that seemed to fade to a black, dark and unforgiving obscurity.

She felt his presence before she saw it, soft and yet commanding, so genuinely him that she would never have mistaken it, could never mistake him for anyone else.

His eyes seemed as dark as the cobalt sky, empty and frozen, lifeless.

Her heart ached for him, throbbing at the frayed edges, so fresh and real she could barely breathe with it, so sickly she felt her stomach twist, bile creeping up her esophagus as she tried to release the words within her thoughts.

"Nymphadora." She looked at him with her name plainly on his lips, still poised there with the taste of it on his tongue. So tantalizingly needful that he had to shake himself from it, falling back into the dark oblivion Grimmauld Place had left him in.

"Sirius?" She questioned not only her name, but his as well, so loaded with meaning she lifted her delicate fingertips to her pale pink mouth, light on her lips as she felt his name there, calling out to her, beckoning her closer.

"I'm sorry." His apology made no sense to her, she could not assign the words to a thought in her head, could not hold them true for she could not find the fault, though his hands were stained with the evidence.

"What for, my love?" She asked another question, though it held no curiosity in her voice, she had the distinct feeling she knew why, why he felt so distant, why she couldn't stand next to him and bury her hands in his hair like she always did, letting it cascade across her knuckles with feather light caresses that were so a part of him that it was natural, real.

"I'm so bloody sorry, Dora." He clenched his eyes shut, small jewel like tears running the length of his worn cheeks as he fought for the control he needed, the strength he had to have for her.

"Sirius," She laughed slightly, a small chuckle of nervousness, "don't be ridiculous."

"Please, Dora." He shook his shaggy hair as she watched it fall into his eyes, "I'm sorry."

She couldn't understand his apologies, his regret or the tone of his voice, yet she slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into her as her warmth enveloped him, her scent traveling across his skin until it buried itself there to stay.

"It's ok, my love." She whispered against his ear, holding him tightly to her chest as he wrapped his own arms around her waist, holding her as if she would leave him if he didn't, so helpless she choked back a dry sob from her throat.

His hands, calloused and rough, found her soft skin, cupping her cheeks as his gaze bore into hers, electrifying and intense. So rapidly real she could barely breathe.

Then he pressed his cold lips to hers.

He tasted just like she remembered, musky and raw, his kiss demanding and aggressive as she fell into him, so comfortingly that she trembled in his arms. He was patient, leisurely as he kissed her, his mouth moving delicately against hers as she gently played back, teasing and nipping as she felt his small smile against her lips.

She found herself propped on a desk, the clothes slid from her body as his hands followed the hems of fabric and threads of clothing, ghosting every curve on her body, her hips, her breasts, her thighs, so warm and milky he could have bitten into their softness.

He sighed against her neck as she wove herself into him, and he reveled in it, he soaked in her skin, her touch, the glowing color of her eyes as he kissed her cheek, the way her hand fit into his, so perfectly it left him aching, terribly and completely aching for reality.

He stood in front of her, his eyes still boring so intently into hers that she kissed him in response, his hips silently crashing into hers. He slid so easily into her it was as if he was fit perfectly there, so warm and tight he gasped, choking back as he thrust into her softly, his rhythm slow and sure.

He watched her face contort gently in bliss, almost unnerving as she grasped at the edges, trying her hardest to pull it back together when she felt it falling all apart. But when his lips came to her ear, soft and cool, she lost herself completely.

"I love you, Nymphadora."

It was a blinding moment, an epiphany so bright and real she gasped, her eyes held to his as she knew, the realization so hard that her climax ruptured, falling over her brightly as she tripped herself into it, feeling the coarse shots of pleasure ring through her as his pace continued, drawing her on and on until they finally fell together.

It was a whirlwind of identical feelings, connected and assured as they were caught in silence, so severe they felt the fire almost burst into flames before their very eyes, lapping at their skin as they came down gloriously together.

"I'm sorry."

She went to look into his eyes once more, but was left with nothing but his lingering scent on her skin, his presence faltering as the seconds ticked away, panic evident as light invaded her sight…blinding her completely.

--

Tonks awoke in his bed, unknowing of how she got there, or why she would wish to be there. Yet she could discern his scent amongst the musty sheets and pillows, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks as it all hit her over again.

He was gone. Forever.

She gasped for breath as she turned over in his bed, digging deeper into the covers, nuzzling into his pillow as she tried to envelop herself in all the was left of him, tried her hardest to connect with anything at all, to feel him once again, if only for a second.

She pulled his pillow closer, holding it to her chest as she noticed something underneath, a small bit of parchment that made her heart skip a beat at the sight of his handwriting, her name scrawled beautifully at the top.

_Nymphadora,_

_I meant to talk to you earlier, but couldn't find the time. I have something I have to tell you, it's rather important. And about our little quarrel last night, I'm sorry._

_Sincerely,  
__Sirius_

Tears finally spilled from her eyes as she read it over again, her fingertips touching the letters he wrote, the words he meant for her to have. She drew in a deep breath, letting it out shakily as she shut her eyes, one hand wrapped around his pillow as the other held the piece of parchment close.

Directly over her heart.

--

**Author's Note: **I was taking a walk in the park the other day, and a few songs appeared on my iPod, _Days and Days _by Tegan and Sara, _Transatlanticism _by Death Cab For Cutie, and _Breathe In, Breathe Out _by Matt Kearney. I was overwhelmed by this fic, so overwhelmed that I wrote it in a mere few hours. Just a little something to quench my hearts desire.

Review! Tell me what you think of my wandering thoughts that I often think are idiotic! Let me know the Stoner is appreciated. -Delta


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